Sunday, December 04, 2016

How do you really feel about yourself?

All of life is about relationships. We have relationships with everything. The relationship you have with objects, food, weather, transportation and with people all reflect the most important relationship you will have, which is with yourself. The relationship you have with yourself is highly influenced by the relationships you had with the adults around you as a child.
The way the adults reacted to us then is often the way we react toward ourselves now, both positively and negatively. Every major relationship we have is a reflection of the relationship we had with one of our parents. Until and unless we understand what type of relationship we had with our caregivers, being free to create truly untainted adult relationships may be difficult.
There are many moments, particularly over the last few years, when I have had to challenge myself often on decisions I have taken in response to people around me. I have found myself feeling quite shocked at thoughts I have had about people and more worryingly how I have actually treated some people I had conflict with. I have been aware of how intolerant I have become and how quickly I can find myself making very unyielding and even unfair criticisms and judgements on people who I might have differences with.
I am constantly asking those tough questions of myself, partly because I work with people as an ordained minister, a mental health practitioner, a life coach, so from a professional point of view, I have a responsibility to my clients to be the most authentic and non judgemental as I can.
I want to serve them to the best of my ability not only as a professional but also and probably even more importantly as one human being to another.
I don’t mind confessing that it is becoming harder to bring a non-judgemental, non-critical mind to almost any situation today.
With the way social media is set up, and the way people engage with it, it almost feels it is a given that there is an expectation to be rude, negative, angry and aggressive about all situations you are presented with.
Most people are not really in touch with the relationship they have with themselves, but it is quite crucial in determining how we navigate and negotiate our way in the world.
Depending on the type of relationship one has with you oneself, it will determine how one teaches and allows people to treat one. If one is unaware of what and how one thinks of oneself, one is bound to let other people make the decisions about whom and what one is and consequently decide how one should be treated. On the other hand if, if one subconsciously or even consciously thinks very little of oneself and one’s self-worth, one will similarly let oneself be maltreated in a variety of ways.
Relationships are mirrors of ourselves. What we attract always mirrors either the qualities we have or beliefs we have about relationships. This is true whether it is a boss, co-worker, employee, friend, lover, spouse, or a child. The things one does not like about these people are either what one does or would not do or what one believes. The truth is that one could not attract them or have them in one’s life if the way they are didn’t somehow complement one’s own life. The only way to bring change in others is to change ourselves first. Blame is a useless act. Blaming only gives away one’s power. We need this power to effect change in ourselves. The helpless victim generally cannot see a way out.
I regularly ask myself, based on what I know about myself, that if I met a replica of myself in the world, would I like that person, would I be drawn to that person, would I admire that person, would I want to be friends with that person? The same way I ask the same question about my daughters based on what I know about them, would they be people I would want to be around? The easier question to answer is the one about my daughters as I consider them to be remarkable, kind, generous, non-judgemental human beings, I would be honoured to know them. I consider myself a work in progress but I am getting to a stage and age in my life now where I think I can answer the question a bit more comfortably. I am much more aware and concerned about the type of person I want to be in the world and much more importantly I am painfully aware of how I want to impact on others in this increasingly uncaring, immoral and selfish world we live in.
Our own attitudes to life, our complex beliefs including limitation, play an intrinsic part in limiting us. What belief is limiting you? Make room for the new and clean out the clutter in your mind.
The times we are in at the moment fosters an innate tendency for people to feel hard done by , it breeds a climate of envy, jealousy, intolerance , resentment which may even lead to full-blown hatred and a willingness to harm or curse others more fortunate than us. Don’t delay or obstruct your own goodwill, prosperity, good fortune, blessings by being resentful or jealous that someone else has more than you. Don’t criticise how they choose to spend their money or to live their lives; it’s really none of your business! This may be a particularly difficult thing to do especially if you feel a personal slight or that someone has cheated you out of what is rightfully yours. In reality, this may be the case, but it could also be only your perception. In most situations, there is your truth, the other persons truth and the actual truth which is somewhere in between both people.
Each person is under the law of his or her own consciousness. Just take care of your own thoughts. Your prosperity, consciousness is not dependant on money. Everyone has their own container of prosperity. Your container is your consciousness and it can always be exchanged for a larger container. Training yourself to think in this way encourages feelings of expansion and a sense of an unlimited supply. It is possible to recognise prosperity in non-financial forms.
Just having more money is not enough. There are so many people with huge amount of money who are unable to derive real pleasure and happiness. I feel that the kind of money I fantasise about at this stage in my life would no doubt be the cherry on my already delicious cake (my life), but maybe this cherry would give me diarrhoea and would cause me untold problems. (granted that’s not what I want to believe). My focus has to be on building, protecting and nourishing all aspects of my life so that when the right opportunity comes, I will meet it in the right state of mind with an already balanced life. There are too many of us living very unbalanced and torpedoed lives.
There are always infinite numbers of gifts coming our way or are already within our reach. We simply need to release old negative beliefs and adapt a willingness to change in order to open the space to begin to create prosperity; and to be receptive to receiving these gifts from expected and unexpected sources.
Rejoice in the small new beginnings. Begin to recognise prosperity everywhere and rejoice in it. We don’t want someone else’s blessings (as much as we may be tempted to be covetous about it), we want our own which is the one that will be most enjoyable and which we get the most out of. You have heard of that expression, ‘be careful what you ask for, you just might get it.’ There is a natural rhythm and flow of life. Things come and things go, we just have to be more observant to see this, and when something goes, in this natural rhythm of life, it is only making room for something new and better.
Look after your relationship with yourself which is the most important relationship you will ever have, because if this union is healthy, it will impact favourably on every other relationship you will ever have!

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